To Be The Good Guy
by Evilerk
Summary: Wolverine no longer feels welcome - post X2 fic


**Author :** Evilerk   
**Archives :** WRFA, DH   
**Notes :** Well here it is, my first real X-Men story. I really hope you like it. I'm sure there are spoilers, but if you haven't seen the movie by now, don't come crying to me. I was told that this fic needed a warning because of the heavy angst. So that's your warning! I would like to thank Cathain for making this story big and shiny, and my Lil Red Witch for giving my stories a good home. Anywho...on with the story!

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**TO BE THE GOOD GUY**

It had been a month since Jean's funeral and the people at Xavier's had tried to move on with their lives.

The sun was out, not a cloud in the sky, you couldn't ask for a more perfect day. Classes ended early today, so most of the students were on the school ground, playing basketball, or in the pool. Some even brought out their lunches and were having a picnic. All but a few were enjoying the day. One such person was where he always was -- on the outside looking in.

Logan sat by the base of a tall tree, away from the noise, away from the fun. There were times when he loved this, to be by himself, not to stay in one place for too long. He remembered when it changed, when he started caring, when he didn't want to be alone anymore. It was when he met Marie and suddenly he was a part of something bigger, not just an animal. Things had changed since then. It was something he was not used to, something he was actually afraid of - feeling.

I mean, sure, having guys punch him in the face hurt, but it was nothing compared to this pain on the inside. He let his guard down with Marie and Jean. He made promises to Marie and as much as he was afraid to admit it, he fell for Jean. But he knew that she would never leave Scott. Even when he kissed her, he knew.

She told him that girls didn't go for the bad guy. She got herself the good guy; preferred the good Scott to the badass Wolverine. It felt then that her words had stabbed him hard in the chest, far worse than any adamantium claws could. But she was right.

And Marie, the girl whom he thought had a crush on him, whom he promised to be there to protect her, she found herself a good guy in Bobby. She didn't need him anymore…

I thought we had something special, a bond, Marie. Heh, but maybe having me in your head, opened your eyes to me, huh?

Maybe Stryker was right. I was, and always would be an animal. Fuck, I know that. Have known that all this time. So why -- why does it hurt so much?

I guess this is the way it's supposed to be -- me alone. I really wanted this, wanted you, wanted Jean, wanted all to be just happy moments. I guess I got too greedy.

Yeah, that's funny, bub! Did you really think you're gonna have friends, fall in love and live a normal life?

Yes, damn it, I did! I really thought the pain was over. I really thought that I'd found what I was looking for. I really thought that I was going to find my missing piece, if not with Jean, then with Marie.

I know they both care for me in their own ways -- but just not the way I was looking for. Not the good guy way. Can never be. And that really tears me a little each day! Each fucking day!

I think someday there will be nothing left for me. Maybe I should leave... But -- but I really have no other place to go. This is all I have. I've got nothing else!

It's funny that this is all there is for me. This is all I have ever known – pain, hurt, confusion...and all of those other feelings. Shit, this is too much! I –- I can't take it. I can't breath. It's like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. It kept playing over and over again and I don't know how to make it stop.

But look at them, look at these people around me happy and laughing. I never had this childhood. Well, I may have, but I can't remember if I did. Well, lucky them!

Damn it! I just want a happy memory. Is that too much to ask? Just one happy memory. Just one...

Heh, look at Marie and Bobby over by the pool now, both eating ice-cream and laughing 'cause she's dripping all over her gloves. You know, having really good hearing just plain sucks. Especially when I can hear too clearly how they confess their love to each other. But at least, she's happy -- something she couldn't be with me.

But they're not the only new couple around. There's Storm and 'Crawler. Weird combo? I doubt it. It just proves what I already know - 'Crawler is one of them good guys. Hell, he even prays and goes to church on Sundays. Yep, it looks like they're happy.

Even the Boy Scout is moving on -- with another telepath. Heh, typical. The prick doesn't have much taste for women. Damn, if you can believe it, he's even smiling. God, I hate him!

So with all this happy shit, it looks like I'm not needed or wanted here anymore. So why the fuck do I stay?

I -- I can't remember anymore. My life passes like seconds compared to theirs.

Maybe that's the big cosmic joke - I'll be alive forever as well as be alone forever. I can never get close to anyone. I can never learn to feel. Maybe in the long run it's better that way. No feelings, no pain… no nothing.

I think it's time for me to go.

Yeah, bub, best I get my ass outta here. But let me just have one last look around. One last look at this happiness. Best to remember them. Commit their laughs and joys to memory.

I'll never forget any of you.

Let's get outta here, bub. Don't have to say goodbye. Don't look back.

Hey, I am the bad guy after all.

Not one soul saw or heard the motorcycle passed the gates, speeding away from the mansion.

**The End**

©2004, Evilerk, h t t p : burn.at / atouchofevil


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